Finding myself...

I have just begun on a new journey of self discovery. I was once a lonely, depressed, sad little girl who thought she didnt have anything to live for. I would always critize myself even when others would try to uplift me. People would tell me i was beautiful and i would call them a liar. I used to think that people would tell me these things because they "wanted" something from me; and to be honest alot of times that WAS the case. I would date guys who would only want one thing but that didnt really bother me because i thought that was all i was worthy of having a guy come over and have sex with me only to get up and leave me once it was all over. I never had a guy hold me after sex well maybe once but i cant even remember. I just recently came to a conclusion noone is going to love me if i dont love myself. I have to have self confidence no matter what may be going on in my life. I may feel ugly, fat, and unworthy at times but thats non acceptable anymore. I decided to take control of my own life. I have started exercising for my health and to feel better about MYSELF, for me it isnt about trying to please a man anymore its about being confortable with the person within me. Being comfortable enough to look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted. I have felt like this many times before. I can recall times walking around in the store and seeing a female who was attractive with a nice figure and feeling resentment towards this woman whom i didnt even know. It had gotten really bad to the point where i had even contiplated suicide but never had the guts to do it. Thanks to my parents and the good LORD above non of that was happening. I now know that my life is worth something all of us are here for a reason. We have to love the person living inside of our skin before we can EVER try to love someone else. I have come to that realization and i am loving the new me. Be Blessed.